The Rearview Mirror

One of the most popular Bible verses is found in Matthew Chapter 7:

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh.

I have been a Seeker most of my life, choosing to question life in an attempt to find my true and authentic self, the voice within, the me of whom I am. The I am. As a Seeker, this verse always filled me with optimism, especially in those dark nights of the soul when I was convinced I was lost forever, never to be found.

The early years of my seeking are best described as denominational promiscuity—but in a good way. I tried on every organized religion and belief system I could find. I wholeheartedly and honestly hoped, with each religious and spiritual community I encountered, I had finally found a home. I spent a lot of time seeking. Yet for all of that time, I never found anything that felt like what I thought I was seeking.

Seek and ye shall find.

In my life, I have been blessed with many teachers. I don’t often recognize them for what they are at the time, but inevitably, just when I need it most, something someone took the time to teach me rings true in my life. Yes indeed, the presence of accidents.

So it was with Keith. Keith was a very successful and talented banker. Keith could read and interrogate financial statements and cut to the quick of any financial deal in no time flat. He would always tell me that banking was like driving using only the rearview mirror. The only thing you could see was where you had been. Which, apparently, is all that matters in banking.

I never forgot the metaphoric driving lesson: the only thing that you can really see is where you have been.

Keith’s words came to mind as I pondered why I had never found a spiritual community to call “home,” despite years of heartfelt seeking, searching, and trying. Surely, I would know it when I found it—right?

While it was true that I had no idea what I was looking for, I was blindsided by the truth of Keith’s words. All that I could imagine finding was what I had previously encountered, what was known to me, what I had experienced, what I made space for, perhaps best described as what I could ‘see’ in the rearview mirror of my life.

Ask, and it shall be given you.

Clearly, while I was willing to let go, I was not willing to give up control. I never thought through what I was willing to find, what I could dare to allow myself to find.

A paraphrased verse from the Gospel of Thomas reminds us to:

Give birth to what is within you,

The voice you redeem will redeem you.

I need to make room for what I have already been given. I need only to ask myself what I believe myself to be, and I will be redeemed. I will be found.

Within me was all I had been searching for.

Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Let this be my prayer:

Let be.

Let go.

Let in.

—Robin